He Said/ She Said – Porn, Condoms, Cheating & Texting
Geplaatst op 13-02-2025
Categorie: Lifestyle
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Here are three questions from the last Loveawake event that should generate some interesting discussion.
Why are men so comfortable not wearing condoms? Why do women have to insist on it?
I would guess that men prefer bareback for the same reason a woman prefers it – it just feels better. The sensations are all intensified. Obviously, condoms are used to prevent accidental pregnancy and STDs. But if the woman is practicing birth control and the guy knows he doesn’t have any STI’s, then he doesn’t understand why the condom is necessary. That’s why he’s usually lax about it. He’s not as worried about contracting something, so there isn’t much urgency on his part. Where men usually screw up is when it comes to pregnancy. Guys have to learn how that whole area works. Women have to be stringent about their reproductive organs and areas. Between breast exams and Pap smears, we have an acute awareness and understanding of how our parts function and therefore we know when something is off. Which means we have more pregnancy and STD scares than men. That’s why women are so insistent. We’re paranoid. We’ve also been conditioned to believe that if we don’t use condoms that that means we don’t respect ourselves or that Karma will rear its head and infect us with herpes. If we go without, we’re foolish and reckless and have low self esteem. We’re not educated or responsible. We’re dumb.
Where this becomes a moral or ethical issue is when you make a pledge to use protection or when you’re in a relationship and cheating. If you intentionally betray a promise or have unprotected sex with someone outside of your relationship, you’re either really selfish or really passive aggressive.
From Time to time I have watched porn even when I have been serious with someone. What is the best way to bring this up? I don’t think I am addicted but once in a while I have that urge. Is this an issue?
I don’t know why you have to introduce your porn habit or collection to the women you date. Most women accept that most men watch porn. When this question was asked, one woman was very vocal about how she would break up with any guy that watched porn and that it was disrespectful to the man’s partner. Being the compassionate and sensitive woman I am, I told her she should plan on either having every man she dated lie to her or she should get used to being single. Sometimes people – men and women – watch porn because they don’t have anybody to fantasize about at the moment to help them get from Point A to Point B. Maybe they do have someone but want to switch things up. Or maybe they just want to have an orgasm and not have to deal with any of the emotional preparation or clean up. Sometimes we just want the orgasm. You can’t take it personally if a woman uses a vibrator or a guy watches porn. There are times we just have a hit of horniness and need a release. Nobody should have to defend or explain that to someone who claims to care for them. If it bothers you, then you’re insecure and you need to deal with that without projecting it on your partner. Note that we’re not talking about porn addiction here. That’s a whole other issue.
Why is it that men only text? Do they not know women want them to take the effort to call when asking for a date.
Yes, they know. Most don’t care, because they don’t allow themselves to be guilt tripped into indulging some random woman’s need to feel special. And that is all it is – a need to feel special. Ladies, stop with the bullshit about how it’s indicative of laziness or cowardice or how it’s easier to talk on the phone. You want to feel special. End of story.
The man I’m dating admitted that he cheated on his previous girlfriend. Should I trust him?
First of all..why is he telling you this? Was this a situation where you found something out and confronted him? Did he offer this information up? If he revealed this on his own with no provocation from you, then that’s a bad sign. That’s self-sabotage or passive aggression. He’s either warning you or trying to make you insecure. If you heard this through friends or connected some dots based on other things he told you and you asked, then I don’t think it’s fair for you to hold his honesty against him. He should have lied, of course. Most men would. But he didn’t. You can’t trap the guy and then dump him for telling you something you already knew. If he lies, and you know he’s lying, you still can’t really blame him. He’s covering his ass. We all do it. That’s why you don’t ask these questions or dig for info. This just in: we’re all assholes at one time or another. Don’t delude yourself into believing you’re going to find that one special asshole-less snowflake. They don’t exist.
I think that, as human beings, we make mistakes. People cheat. It happens. Where it becomes unforgivable to me is if they did it multiple times. Especially with the same person. One time? I can forgive that. But if they did it repeatedly then they obviously were able to push past the guilt or remorse. That’s the true betrayal. (And if they did it without a condom? Well, you know where I’m going with this.) If someone can do that multiple times, that’s not someone who is safe. They may not do it again, but they have the potential to betray in other ways.